Saturday, November 24, 2012

2 Fat Guys...Fuggetaboutit!

In my first post I stated that there will be no negative reviews in my blog and it would only be filled with delicious awesomeness. However, this place was really annoying, so I feel like I need to share it with everyone so no one wastes their time. A few days ago, I saw a commercial for a restaurant called 2 Fat Guys in Colonia, NJ. As soon as I heard the name my immediate thought was "OMG I NEED to go there." The commercial is literally two fat Italian guys boasting about having best pizza and boardwalk food in NJ. I love me some boardwalk food so I was very excited to try this place out. When we first walked into the restaurant there is a sign that says "Please wait to be seated." We were the only customers in there and there were several people behind the counter, yet we still had to wait an awkward amount of time to sit in the dining area. This was annoying, but once I saw their menu I decided to let it go because I was sure our food was going to be awesome. Their menu consists of traditional Italian dinners, Pizza, and Boardwalk Fare...all reasonably priced. I decided to get the traditional "Boardwalk Sausage Sandwich" and "Boardwalk Fries". Ron decided to get a sandwich called "The Godfather".
STRIKE ONE: First of all, their so-called "Boardwalk Food" is an insult to actual boardwalk food. The sausage in my sandwich hardly had any flavor and the bread was dry and tasteless. In addition, there was a cheese sauce on the kind you put on a cheese steak. Never have I ever had cheese sauce on a sausage sandwich down the shore. Maybe it is available, but I never heard of it nor would I choose to put this on a sausage sandwich. The Godfather was also a disappointment. In the wise words of my boyfriend Ron, it tasted like " A @#%^%$# big ass hot pocket filled with grease and sorrow." If you are going to name a sandwich The better not mess around. Don't even get me started on the "Boardwalk Fries". I don't know where these fat guys get fries down the shore because these fries were NOTHING like boardwalk fries. Boardwalk fries are fresh cut fries such as "Curly's Fries" and are amazing with some malt vinegar. The fries at 2 Fat Guys were more like diner fries. I could've made better boardwalk fries myself. The boardwalk food at 2 Fat Guys is just about as authentic as "The Jersey Shore" show.

STRIKE TWO: Their dining room has two flat screen TV's which in my opinion is pretty distracting and annoying if you are trying to have a nice dinner. To make it worse, one TV was playing a show called "Unfaithful- Stories of Deception" . The surround sound was on so it was playing through out the whole dining area. The show was about some woman sending sexual text messages and pictures to another man and her boyfriend eventually found out. They went into a lot of inappropriate details and it was actually uncomfortable to listen to. There were also several families with young children with them listening to the show. It was awkward.

STRIKE THREE: After a dinner filled with disappointment, we decided that the only hope left for 2 Fat Guys was some dessert. They have fried oreos, zeppoles, funnel cakes, and various waffle sundaes on their menu. I had my heart set on a waffle and ice cream sundae. How could you screw that up? Well, I wouldn't know...because the waitress didn't even ask if we wanted dessert. She brought the check, said have a good night, and walked away in less than 3 seconds. This is one of my pet peeves. I seriously HATE when restaurants do not ask if you want dessert or anything else before bringing you the check. It is also stupid on their part because at that point they have an opportunity to make some extra money.

2 Fat Guys also claims to have the best pizza in New Jersey. Making a statement that you have the best pizza in New Jersey is pretty bold. I didn't have any pizza and I'm not planning on it. It probably sucks just as bad as everything else. Making a statement that you have the best boardwalk food is just absurd. I have nothing else to say.

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